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It’s coming: a so-called alcoholic energy drink, a ready-to-pound rip-off of a nightclub
favorite that mixes caffeine-laced Red Bull with vodka. Hansen Beverages of Corona, California, has
fused the go-go power of ginseng and caffeine with alcohol’s numbing sucker
punch.
They’re calling it Hard E. They wanted to call it Hard Energy, but federal regulators panned
that name, which makes you wonder: If the 12-ounce bottle can’t say “Energy,” just
how energizing is it? Still, alcohol and caffeine, like a swig of moonshine, might come in
handy.
Make mine a double
No pain, no inhibitions, only the soothing comfort of double vision and that jittery sensation that
snakes probably feel before they shed their skin. “Hiccup, err, more energy drink pullease. I
gotta run this here marathon. Hiccup.”
The finish line whizzes by in a tape-breaking blur, and you hip-hop off to the winner’s stand
where you whip the crowd into a techno-rave. You da man.
Not so fast. If you imbibed, you’re envisioning this scene in a delusional stupor. The starting
gun’s gone off, and you can’t figure out how to work that pesky Porta-Potty door
latch—from the inside.
Slurring and sports
“Alcohol and training don’t work. “Alcohol interferes with the chemical messages in the brain. It can make you
clumsy, affect your coordination, and slur your speech.”
As for Red Bull’s ingredients, only glucose, and to a lesser extent, caffeine, boost energy,
and only for a short time, she said. And the jury’s still out on the energizing properties of
its other supposedly liquid-fire ingredients, taurine and glucuronolcatone.
So there you have it. Alcohol and sports—like alcohol and nearly anything that requires skill,
poise, and consciousness—don’t mix. And Red Bull is best left to med students who need
to cram for 70 hours straight. For athletes, your best bet is still getting some good ol’
sleep, keeping hydrated, and knowing where you are when you wake
up.
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