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I’m too embarrassed to relate some of the absurd things my wife and I have argued about
when we’re out on the trail. Let’s just say I’ve learned that Penny really
doesn’t like it when I talk to our cat in “that voice,” and she’s become
very well aware of how I feel about used tea bags in the sink. The hotter it is, the later it
gets, the hungrier we are, the more absurd the arguments.
But if you find enlightenment in a 6-mile run, and he finds it at the bottom of a bag of pork
rinds, you’ve got a real challenge on your hands. Take heart: At least it’s a noble
challenge, and with the right approach, it’s completely conquerable.
1. Avoid the “E” word
Your first attempts to spring him from the sofa should have little or nothing to do with
exercise. Consider his likely response if you ask him to join you for a run—you’ll be
lucky if stops chewing long enough to laugh. But what would happen if you ask him to join you
for a Sunday afternoon bike ride to the ice cream parlor? Ultimately, what you’re trying
to do is confuse him (I’m a guy; trust me, it’s not that hard). You want him to
think that the outing is about whatever’s at the end of the exercise, not the exercise
itself. Keep it short and mellow, and place the emphasis on the side trip.
2. Make it a buddy thing
Guys like to sweat with other guys. Must be a bonding thing. Do a little sleuthing to find out
if any of his buddies exercise regularly. You might be surprised to find that a few of them
meet on Tuesday evenings for mountain bike rides. Or play Ultimate Frisbee on Saturday
mornings. Encourage him to join them. Give him a few months to get hooked, then move in for
the kill.
3. Let him choose
Know what else guys like? They like to choose (big surprise, eh?). Be straight up, and tell him
you really want to do something active with him. Then give him free reign to choose—if
it’s his idea, he’s much more likely to stick with it. Once you’ve suffered
through whatever his idea of fun is for a while, you’ll have some bargaining power. Wield
it wisely.
The couple that sweats together...
If you both like to sweat, you’ve got a head start, but by no means a free ride.
There’s the inevitable difference in abilities. (Like it or not, gals, guys are born with
more muscle mass and aerobic capacity. Hey, at least you’ll always be more flexible and
have a higher pain threshold). And sometimes, interests just don’t mesh. You’re a
hiker, he’s a cyclist; he’s into paddling, you can’t swim. Whatever the case,
you can make it work.
1. Slow going
Even if your partner is eager and in shape, if you’re introducing him to a new sport,
you’ve gotta take it easy. The key, of course, it not to make it obvious that you’re
taking it easy. If it’s a hike, make it clear from the beginning that you’re planning
to turn around mid-mountain. If it’s a mountain bike ride, be excited about riding a short,
mellow trail. If he wants to go further, that’s great, but let it be his idea.
2. Don’t patronize
Remember, this is the person who probably knows you better than anyone else, and they’re
going to know if you’re lying to them. So don’t say “good job,” and
“you’re doing great” if they’re not. This doesn’t mean you
shouldn’t be supportive, just that you shouldn’t offer obviously false praise.
3. Learn something new
One of the best ways for couples to start exercising together is to learn something new
together. Not only does this eliminate differences in ability, it creates a “we’re in
this together” feeling that’ll stick around, even when you revert to more familiar
sports. Try something completely new and different; go snowboarding, or rock climbing, or
tennis. Take a lesson together; be nervous and afraid and excited together. It’s a great
feeling.
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