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It’s not easy to be a tortoise instead of a hare—you know, slow and steady—when you’re setting goals. Take me, for instance. There were probably hundreds of times in my twenties and thirties when I’d decide to “clean up my act”—my phrase for losing weight and getting in shape. I’d usually inaugurate my new lifestyle by eating all the junk food within reach, just to “get it out of the house,” of course. The next day I’d eat little or nothing and exercise too hard (especially given the fact that I hadn’t exercised in a long time). I’d be so hungry that I’d feel at least 30 pounds thinner already. So I’d get on the scale and, of course, be right where I was the day before. Then I’d think, “Well, the heck with this! All this hard work isn’t getting me anywhere! Why should I even bother?” And I’d go right back to my old ways.
Of course I felt like a failure, which reinforced my belief that I was worthless and would
never reach my fitness goals. But how could I have reached them? They were completely
unrealistic. Of course I couldn’t lose 30 pounds overnight—nobody can. Nor could I have
reasonably expected to last on the starvation diet I put myself on. I was setting myself
up for failure by choosing my goals unwisely. It seems so obvious now. But for 20 years I
just kept trying the same thing over and over. One of the blessings of turning 40 was that
I somehow acquired the perspective to say, “This is a dumb game and I’m not playing it any more.” And that was when my eating habits began evolving into what they are today—somewhere in the middle ground instead of at the extremes.
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A Thought for the Day |
Many of you have written in to share your health and fitness goals. And it’s
pretty exciting to see what they are. You deserve a lot of credit for setting
goals that are realistic and achievable. You know that it takes time to change
habits, and to develop a healthier lifestyle that’ll last a lifetime. So keep
writing!
Every day we do things that we think we “should” do, regardless of whether it
makes sense to do them. We get so used to reacting to our “shoulds” that we
don’t even question them any more. Spend some time identifying your
“shoulds.” You might be surprised at what you find.
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I went through this whole foolishness with exercise, as well. In 1997, the first year I
joined the Leukemia Society’s Team in Training program http://www.teamintraining.com,
I spent four months training for our 100-mile “century” ride around Lake Tahoe. I was pretty proud of myself when I finished the ride. But my inner voice was saying, “Yeah, you did it, but so what? Just wait—you’ll turn right back into the slug you were before!” (Thanks a lot, Inner Voice.) So I did my very first triathlon,the
Danskin, and that was a great experience. Nevertheless I still felt like a slug, not
an athlete. The demons of my former sedentary self were still close on my heels. So,
reluctantly, I set several more goals for that summer. I decided I’d better do a bunch of
fun runs and a few more triathlons. Guess what? Two weeks after Danskin, I got a stress
fracture—an overuse injury caused by too much high-impact work, like running. I was
sidelined for the rest of the summer. And you know what else? I was relieved. I hadn’t
wanted to do any of that other stuff anyway. I’d just tried to push myself into it before
I was ready. I’d set myself a bunch of goals that I didn’t have my heart in at all.
At least I get a little smarter as I get older. Last year I did Danskin for the second
time. Again, it was a great experience, but I still wasn’t ready to do more triathlons
after that. So I didn’t sign up for any. No big deal. I set one moderate goal, I
accomplished it, and I allowed myself to be satisfied with that.
And this year—maybe because of last year—things have been different. Instead of telling
myself I “should” do triathlons, I found that I really wanted to do them. Several factors
contributed to this breakthrough. I had more fitness friends, as I said in last week’s
column. Their support and companionship made a big difference. But in addition, I was
really ready, within myself, to take on the goal. Before, it wasn’t really mine. It was
something the voice in my head told me I “should” do, but that I didn’t want to do. I was trying to push myself into something before I was ready. And that doesn’t work. You have
to own a goal before you can achieve it. It has to be a part of you before you can start
down the path.
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